all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
