I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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