You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
and you fell through a lawn chair
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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