absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He has the fingertips of a God
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
