Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
