I think my vagina is haunted
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The air was thick with penises
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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