Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
jump out the window naked night went bad
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
