You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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