We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
