The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
