whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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