Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
