I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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