Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
