Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
