Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
