Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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