i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
