Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
