he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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