It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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