I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
