How's work?
Spinning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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