I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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