i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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