tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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