i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
