Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
