I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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