you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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