Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
