I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
