super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
pray to the hookup gods
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
