Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
