He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Holy shit dude........stairs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
