She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
