A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
