You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no you cant smoke seaweed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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