I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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