Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
