mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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