It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
