you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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