watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
