i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
