I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
