With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
