she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
