He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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