I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
