My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
