I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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