The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
